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Grief Is... Trying To Make Meaning

October 30, 20233 min read

Grief Is...Trying To Make Meaning

At the one month mark, I had spent a great deal of time contemplating my loss and my relationship with Ben and his sister. We were in survival mode. We were making very conscious choices about what had to be on the to do list on any given day. We kept the list short – no more than three things and hopefully less. Once the list was done the only thing that we had to do was breathe. We watched a lot of streaming services. I couldn’t tell you what we watched. I could barely eat and barely sleep. And I held tight to immense gratitude that I had the kind of relationship with my kids that I did. I had sensed for a long time that in Ben, I was raising one of my angels. I knew he wasn’t going to be here for long. I don’t know why…but I knew. That’s what I chose to write about in the following post: 

Oct 26, 20

Four weeks ago I got the call every parent dreads. Since then, I have spent so much time thinking about what I learned and discovered parenting Ben and Kathleen. I take great comfort in knowing I had/have amazing relationships with them both. When the world was such a tough place for Ben, I knew I needed to be his soft place to land. I made choices, everyday, about how I could make the world a gentler place for him and how I could be sure home was a sanctuary away from hard things as much as possible. As a kid, I never cared if his room was clean. It didn't matter. I cared that he knew he was loved and safe. My most fervent wish, for those of you that are parents, is that you continue to not be able to imagine what I'm going through. But if you could, for just a second, would you be comforted by your relationship with your child? Are you their safe place to land? If the last conversation you had with them was the last conversation you ever had with them, would you be at peace? Nothing is perfect and I wasn't either but if your focus is love, with as little blame and judgement as possible, you will find comfort there. Hug them tonight for me. 

I got such a massive response of support and thanks that I decided I would continue to share my grief journey as a way to help myself process unspeakable loss and help others understand what that might be like thorough my experience. That has led me here…to a blog. Mostly, I write to help me. It gets the spinning thoughts out of my brain. I hope it helps you too. I don’t believe in the “everything happens for a reason” approach. I do know though that with challenge comes a choice. The choice I made was to stay conscious and curious as best I could. To feel the weight, the pain, the love with nowhere to go. Nothing about it has been easy. Writing about it, sharing what I’m learning, talking about it helps me. I hope reading about it helps you. 

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TESTIMONIALS

★★★★★

Through her insightful teachings and thoughtfully designed programs, Suzanne offers a path guided by emotional intelligence and real life experience to address the full spectrum of the complex emotions and consequences of grief while expanding the capacity to engage fully with life post loss. Her heartfelt approach also honours the depth of loss through the invaluable practice of cherishing and expressing love for what has been lost and experienced.

Bonnie Lynn

Business Owner/Consultant

★★★★★

In a recent peer meeting, I shared the statistics you provided regarding the number of co-workers that are dealing with grief at any given time. We committed to not only acknowledging the grief but also to providing sustained support.

Kay McBreairty

Program Manager